5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Teenage Son
One of the reasons why it is difficult to deal with the behavior of your adolescent is because he is at an age where he is still a child but does not act like one ; that is, he has grown a little psychically but does not have the ability to handle himself at that stage. Misfitting in certain contexts can make it more difficult, as you may be left in limbo where you don’t like being with children or adults.
It is clear that there is no manual for being parents, no one knows clearly what to do so that there are no faults or mistakes. In the case of adolescent children, it is convenient to be very subtle when talking to them, advising them or reprimanding them, because in this difficult stage, bigger problems can be triggered just by using the wrong words.
How to talk to your teenage son?
When speaking with your adolescent, it is advisable to take into account the way and tone in which you say things to them, especially if it is a suggestion. Although he does not express it openly, a teenager feels that because he is older he has lost certain benefits from his parents, for this reason he will try to get our attention at all costs, which is why it is common for him to get irritated.
Generalized negative behavior is normal to some extent, which occurs as a consequence of an adaptation process in which adult and child traits stand out. Each change that is generated in an adolescent is the cause of a different reaction between them, but with a particular origin: the ignorance of what they feel.
In this sense, it is convenient to be more understanding even when their attitude despairs us, we avoid exposing their failures, falling into comparisons and bringing to light the idea that they are children. If the child has reached adolescence, he will not want to be treated as a child, but he is not an adult to be treated more harshly.
Many times we feel that we are wasting time because we cannot talk to them without ending up in an argument or in a bad time. This is because your teenager is already beginning to differentiate about what is right or wrong, but from his own perspective; therefore, it is advisable to avoid statements that emphasize your lack of understanding or highlight your intransigence, such as “it is not possible to talk to you” or “how troublesome you are”.
5 things your teen shouldn’t hear from you
It is possible that, due to fear or fatigue of the confrontation, parents often overlook a certain behavior or attitude that is relevant and that can become permanent. However, we must know that repression for the most part does not have a positive effect on people, especially if it is your adolescent child.
Therefore, on many occasions, being repressive causes rebellion to increase and the need to get things your way. For the rest, you need to pay attention to their behavior and show them that we are willing to listen to them and let them express themselves in their own way.
Although the moment warrants it, avoid being severe and take into account the following tips so as not to say at least these five things.
1. Your tastes are strange as well as your friendships
That the tastes of adolescents are strange to us is indicative that they are achieving their task of attracting attention. It is also something that is actually different for adults, but for them it is the fashion or style that defines them.
Even if his tastes, his way of dressing or his friends seem strange to you, accept them and be receptive, he is important to him. However, it is advisable to be careful that it is not a harmful behavior.
2. You don’t do anything worthwhile
It is not pleasant for a teenager or anyone to underestimate their ability to do a specific thing; however, we tend to be very harsh with their lack of collaboration or assertiveness to finish some tasks. It is inappropriate to brand children as useless, as well as to force them to assume responsibilities that are not within their reach.
It is also not advisable for us to emphasize what you need to learn or study in order for you to “be someone”, since you already are. On the contrary, we can help them to orient themselves in their decisions of professionalization or work occupation.
3. Every day I have to repeat the same thing to you
Let’s avoid harassing them with repeated sermons that we already know have no effect, it is convenient to change the pattern and adapt it to their perspective of things. Let us try to earn the trust of our children with actions that are recognizable by them, without impositions and with great flexibility in response to their responses.
There are ways to be able to work as a team and give each other a chance to agree on something, once the rules are clear it is more likely that the planned objectives are achieved.
4. You are forbidden to do, say, go …
Prohibitions are the “kryptonite” of adolescents, every time we put limits on their expression we weaken them in their emotions. As much as judging and criticizing, saying that you are forbidden to be who you are causes your desire to contradict this sentence to increase.
5. Do not get into what you do not care
Telling your adolescent that their opinion has no validity is a serious mistake, perhaps we say it in a moment of anger, but it is something that can have a very negative effect on them. If the adolescent can already feel denigrated, using expressions with such a load of aggressiveness is a reason to cause their shame and lowers their confidence.
