I Want To Change My Parenting Style: Where Do I Start?
It is possible that before becoming a mother you believed that it was going to be a simple task and that you would have everything under control when the time came. However, it is likely that the arrival of your child has faced challenges, obstacles and difficulties that have made you rethink if you really have all the answers. Thus, if you have detected that something is wrong and you are willing to act on it, you will be asking yourself: “How can I change my parenting style?”
The reality is that the guidelines and style of education can be changed; It is an extremely courageous decision and worthy of admiration. It is not easy to realize that mistakes are being made.
It is not easy to admit faults and be willing to strive to improve. However, it is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your children, since their well-being and their present and future happiness largely depend on the way you educate them.
So, you may have identified that you are automatically repeating the way you were raised, without being the most appropriate. Perhaps you feel that you have been overly demanding and authoritative until now or that you have not known how to set limits properly. If this is the case, acknowledge the value of your self-observation and your self-criticism and remember that it is never too late to do better. Error is part of learning.
How to change the parenting style?
Why do you want to change?
Making a deep and lasting change in parenting style requires personal work and persistence. Thus, it would be advisable to start by analyzing the reasons why you want to make the change. Make a list of the negative consequences that the current education style is generating for your family ; You can even put it in writing.
Perhaps, due to excessive yelling and conflict, your relationship with your child is emotionally deteriorated. Perhaps you perceive that your little one is dependent and insecure due to overprotection. Or you may feel that by being overly demanding of him, he is feeling pressured and anxious. Being clear about these points will motivate you to make the change, no matter how hard it may be at first.
Define the behaviors to modify
On the other hand, it is essential to be clear about the specific behaviors that you want to address, because, otherwise, the change will remain a mere intention. Thus, specify in which moments and situations you usually act in a way that you dislike, what behaviors and reactions you want to eliminate and which ones you want to replace them with.
For example, you may want to allow your child to make his bed, pack his backpack for school, and dress himself instead of you doing it for him. Or you may want to eliminate the yelling and out-of-tune and learn to breathe before overreacting. Write down these situations to be clear about them and know what your goals are
Monitor your progress
To persevere, remember that you must monitor your progress, reward yourself for your progress and redirect your actions if something does not go according to plan. Thus, at the end of each day, recall which conflictive situations have arisen and if you have been able to implement the new parenting style that you have proposed. Also analyze the results this has had and how your children have reacted to it.
What do you have to keep in mind if you want to change the parenting style?
It’s important to know that changes take time, and children may not react well to novelty, limits, or responsibilities at first. If so, be aware that you are doing it for the good of the whole family and that the consequences will be very positive in the medium and long term.
On the other hand, it is also possible that your little ones react well to the new dynamics and the family environment improves quickly. If this happens, use it as motivation to continue.
Above all, be understanding and forgiving of yourself and your children. There is no such thing as perfection and it is not possible to implement such a big modification the first time. But with time the results will become visible and the effort will have been worth it.
