Guilt In Mothers: How To Get Rid Of That Burden
When you become a mother, a world of emotions never before known opens up. You start to experience unconditional love and unstoppable strength, but unfortunately, a number of negative emotions also appear that can cause a lot of pain.
Guilt in mothers is one of the most widespread and harmful phenomena associated with motherhood. Therefore, we want to help you understand why it happens and how to combat it.
Guilt is a powerful emotion that produces strong psychological wear. Their incessant presence makes us feel uncomfortable, inadequate and worthless, affects our self-esteem and paralyzes us.
As long as the guilt is present, not only will we not be able to enjoy motherhood, but we will also not be able to exercise it by giving the best of ourselves. So, for our sake and that of our children, how about we start to let go of that heavy burden?
What makes you feel guilty?
Probably, since you became a mother, guilt became part of your day to day and appears at every opportunity you find. Thus, any decision you have to make, any daily situation can generate the appearance of guilt :
- Do not breastfeed your baby.
- Feeling exhausted, frustrated, or grumpy due to the excessive demands of breastfeeding.
- Sleeping with your child and “spoiling him” or not sleeping with him and leaving him alone.
- Go back to work or leave work to take care of it.
- Being too harsh or too soft in your upbringing.
You may have thought at some point that the guilt you feel is justified, since you are making bad decisions. However, you should know that this is an emotion that practically all mothers in the world share, regardless of the path they take. And it is a subjective state that does not really depend on the context.
Where does the guilt come from in mothers?
If the guilt in mothers is so frequent, it is logical to deduce that there are causes common to all cases. And knowing these factors that give rise to guilt can help you understand what is happening and take action.
Expectations
The idealized image of motherhood that is still maintained today contributes, to a great extent, to generating this discomfort in women. Society, relatives and even women themselves set standards that are impossible to meet.
No mother is perfect, she is always loving, understanding, and patient and applies parenting advice to perfection. If you demand too much of yourself, you allow guilt to take hold of you, since, like any human being, you will make mistakes.
Misunderstood motherhood
On the other hand, guilt in mothers arises from the wrong idea they maintain regarding their role in the lives of their children. Many of them think that they are totally responsible for the well-being of their children. Thus, they feel guilty if they get sick, get poor grades, have few friends, or are unhappy in any way.
Keep in mind that you cannot control everything that happens in your child’s life. There are many factors and conditions that are not in your hands and your only job is to love it, accept it and educate it in the best possible way. Despite this, he will face adverse situations, since these are part of life and will not be your responsibility.
Positive beliefs about guilt
Often times, guilt is maintained because we have positive beliefs about it. For example, thinking that by feeling guilty we are better people, better mothers, more involved with children and more concerned about them.
The reality is that guilt is a useless emotion that generates great discomfort and does not help us find any solution. You don’t feel guilty, take responsibility; This simple change of perspective will help you to release emotional weight and to know that it is in your hands to modify what you consider appropriate so that the situation improves.
Guilt in mothers can be managed
The fact that most mothers suffer from guilt in their day-to-day lives does not imply that this is normal. It is neither necessary nor healthy to experience motherhood feeling guilty ; so, as soon as possible, you have to start working on yourself to manage it.
Start by reviewing your beliefs, your expectations and your idea of ​​motherhood and try to adjust it to a more realistic vision. Be compassionate to yourself and enjoy your motherhood – you are doing well.
