Self-demand In Motherhood
For many women, becoming a mother is one of the most longed-for life experiences. Therefore, many times, unrealistic expectations are generated that can cloud this rewarding experience. Self-demand in motherhood is more common and more relevant than it seems.
Social pressure
Every day, women occupy more spaces and play more different roles. Being a worker, wife and mother creates a mental burden that is difficult to sustain. Well, despite the fact that there are exceptions and that we are moving in the right direction, it is still the woman who carries the bulk of the household chores.
As you work, you need to remember what foods are missing at home, when your child’s doctor’s appointment is, and how you can organize yourself so as not to neglect your life as a couple. Because society, and many times we ourselves, demand that we do everything and do it perfect.
Self-demand in motherhood is the highest level of this social pressure imposed on women. The immense love we feel for our children, the desire to offer them the best, leads us to constantly question whether we are up to the task. And the answer is almost always “no” , since we are trying to reach unrealistic standards.
We are bombarded with the ideal of a perfect mother from all fronts. Media, friends, family, everyone seems to have an opinion on how we should educate our children. And many times those opinions are contradictory.
The mother finds herself, then, trying to be loving and compassionate towards her son, but without ceasing to set limits on him. Spending time with him, but without neglecting the work aspect. Juggling to comply with all the veiled orders of suggestions that come from the environment. And feeling frustrated and a failure for not being able to get to everything.
Self-demand in motherhood
The big problem arises when that social pressure creeps into our minds and convinces us of that distorted image of the off-road mother. That self-sacrificing woman who takes care of her home and her children with dedication, without making mistakes and with a smile on her face.
That mother who serves herself the last and gets up first to pick up. That she is always available to everyone except herself. That he never has a bad day, that he never loses his papers and is the breadwinner of the whole family.
When we believe this version, we stop enjoying the trip and begin to suffer for not reaching the goal. Frustration, guilt and feelings of little personal worth appear. We begin to review again and again the failures that we have had and we sink, little by little, into anxiety.
We feel guilty if we leave our children in the care of other people, we feel like failures if we delegate some responsibility, we see ourselves as selfish beings if we take time for our personal leisure. Either way, we are not up to the task.
You don’t need to be perfect
- Perfection is relative and unattainable. Each person has their own vision of the perfect and we cannot, nor do we want to, please everyone. The only opinion that matters is yours, follow your intuition.
- Do not try to have every aspect of your life and that of your children controlled to the millimeter. This is unrealistic and will only cause anxiety to prevent you from enjoying your motherhood.
- Stop beating yourself up for your mistakes and value your successes. It’s okay to fail and learn, motherhood is a process and has no instruction book.
- You have the right to delegate, to ask for help, and to take time for yourself. What’s more, it is your obligation to take care of your well-being and not abandon yourself to surrender to others. A happy mother is a better mother.
- Be flexible. Life is not a matter of black and white. Between being perfect and being a mess there are many shades of gray. It does not matter if one day you have lost your temper with your child or if you have left the kitchen without cleaning.
- There is no one way to be a mother. Each child and each family are different and have their own dynamics. Finally, your child does not need a book mother. You just need presence, love and respect.
